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A baby asked God, “They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?”

“Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you.”

The child further inquired, “But tell me, here in heaven I don’t have to do anything but sing and smile to be happy.”

God said, “Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you. And you will feel your angel’s love and be very happy.”

Again the child asked, “And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me if I don’t know the language?”

God said, “Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak.”

“And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?”

God said, “Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray.”

“Who will protect me?”

God said, “Your angel will defend you even if it means risking it’s life.”

“But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore.”

God said, “Your angel will always talk to you about Me and will teach you the way to come back to Me, even though I will always be next to you.”

At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from Earth could be heard and the child hurriedly asked, “God, if I am to leave now, please tell me my angel’s name.”

“You will simply call her, ‘Mom.'”
– Unknown

I wouldn’t call myself an angel by any means, but we surely are a couple of the most blessed parents on earth to be chosen for Carson. He is more beautiful, sweet, and ornery than I could have imagined. I could have never imagined the boy he’d be today, nor can I imagine what another week, month, or year will bring. I’ve never sang for so many hours as I have this past year, been so exhausted, changed so many diapers, read so many books over and over, counted just to make him smile, shared so many meals, made as many especially healthy little meals (he eats way better than I do). I’ve never had to be so strong, yet felt so weak, been so scared to take care of a sick baby. I have never smiled, laughed, and loved like I have now and felt this kind of love and closeness in return. I’ve never kept another human being alive as a sole source of nutrition and been amazed by how our bodies adapt for so many critical changes.

Looking back through this past year of photos bring back a flood of memories that have already been forgotten in the blur of time. Each new phase and milestone makes for an interesting new set of potential risks, challenges, laughs, and sometimes a little relief with independence. Our living room has transitioned various times in the past year.

This delicate little 9lb, 1oz baby is now 25lbs of a curious, active, and spirited young man – a baby ox who likes to step on my feet when I’m in the kitchen. A little helper who can assist in putting on his clothes and coat. He also likes to help cook (eat), do laundry, and vacuum.

With our first child, comes a lot of firsts, but as quickly as a baby develops in the first year, there are also a lot of lasts. Last time being swaddled, last time using the bouncer/swing, last time in size “x” diapers/clothes, using burp rags, pacifier, etc. It hasn’t been easy, but no matter what, they’ll always be your baby.

The Last Time

From the moment you hold your baby in your arms,
you will never be the same.
You might long for the person you were before,
When you had freedom and time,
And nothing in particular to worry about.

You will know tiredness like you never knew it before,
And days will run into days that are exactly the same,
Full of feeding and burping,
Whining and fighting,
Naps, or lack of naps. It might seem like a never-ending cycle.

But don’t forget…
There is a last time for everything.
There will come a time when you will feed your baby
for the very last time.

They will fall asleep on you after a long day
And it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child.
One day you will carry them on your hip,
then set them down,
And never pick them up that way again.

You will scrub their hair in the bath one night
And from that day on they will want to bathe alone.
They will hold your hand to cross the road,
The never reach for it again.

They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles,
And it will be the last night you ever wake for this.
One afternoon you will sing ‘the wheels on the bus’
and do all the actions,
Then you’ll never sing that song again.

They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate,
the next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone.
You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your
last dirty face.

They will one day run to you with arms raised,
for the very last time.
The thing is, you won’t even know it’s the last time
until there are no more times, and even then,
it will take you a while to realize.

So while you are living in these times,
remember there are only so many of them and
when they are gone,
you will yearn for just one more day of them
For one last time.

– Author unknown

Recap of Carson’s first year

 

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